Scared to Death

I woke up one day and went about my morning business trying to get ready to go to work. As I happened to pass by the full length mirror in my room, what I saw scared me to death. I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing . It dawned on me that I’d been looking at myself in the mirror for these 6 past years but not really seeing what the mirror was telling me. I realized I was FAT.
When I got on the scale what it told me nearly popped my eyes out, from 128 pounds when I last weighed I had gone up to 195 pounds. I needed to take action immediately, what better way than to divorce my diet.
I didn’t initially know what goal to set for myself because I wasn’t sure I could stick to my plan. So I started with the mindset to LOSE WEIGHT. I immediately went to my writing desk, got a paper and pen and wrote down reasons why I should lose weight:
1. So I can be more than just the fat girl with a pretty face
2. Improve flexibility and ease the load on my knees
3. Fit into a greater variety of clothes
4. Have more energy and stamina
5. Be less self conscious about my body when I’m with other people
6. So that every time I see a cute skirt, I don’t have to think “if only”
7.So I can hug my people without my bellies coming between us.
8. I hate having to adjust my clothes every time I stand up, or when I take two steps, or when I sit down
9. So my clothes fit better and last longer
10. To have control of myself again
11. Because I’m too young to feel so old
12. So I can keep up with other people when we’re walking
13. I hate that every shopping trip ends in tears
14. I don’t want to feel ashamed anymore
15. Because I have more to offer than people assume
16. I miss feeling graceful
17. Because my muscles scream to be stretched out, but my folds get it the way
18. Because I’m tired of having only a few ways to sit comfortably…and even they aren’t that comfortable
19. Because being “curvy” does not mean having folds. And we all know it.
20. Because my thighs are as big as my waist should be. And that’s not okay.
21. I hate being the fattest person everywhere I go
22. I want to feel proud of my accomplishment
23. Because I want to be happy
24. Because it’s the last thing in my life that still hurts
25. I’m tired of feeling tired
26. Because I want to live
27. Because I am so much more than this. Because I’m stronger than this. Because I’m sick of this.
28. Because putting it off for one more day is like saying that I’m not that important
29. Because I matter
30. Because I deserve it
31. Because I’m tired of just having potential that the world can see
32. Because I want
33. Because I love myself. And I always fight like a beast to protect the people I love.
34. So that standing up isn’t harder than it should be
35. Because no matter how much I hate it, my appearance does tell people a lot about me. And I don’t like the message..
36. To look and feel great naked!
37. Because I want men to find me attractive. And I’m not ashamed of that.
38. Fat doesn’t have to win
39. I want to wear super high heels!
40. So I can hip bump my BFF without knocking her to the floor
41. Because my personal style is too often dictated by the stores I have to shop in
42. Just because I don’t need a 42nd reason.
I knew I had to stay motivated to do this so I set SMART GOALS that will help me achieve my major goal, I’ll tell you all about it in my next post.